A message from Laura Hart

From the human side

There are a few things I want to share with you that have changed my thinking over the course of the last few days.

It's out of the ordinary for me to do this, but I am interested in trying to communicate my message in the most precise manner when I write the articles for the blog, but now I have some personal things to say, which I need to say.

I've written about my recent healthcare nightmare at the Kern Valley Healthcare District Hospital ER, which has left me struggling daily to do the simplest of tasks. I didn't, however, expect to be struggling to write. But I am.

Some of the posts you will see beginning at the end of January 2011, were meant at that time to tell the story of what happened to me, contemporaneously, so there would be a record of the events. I cringed as I looked back over the materials I put up during this duration, but it is the truth for me, and that is why I am leaving them up.

But there are other things I do want to retract

I am not afraid of making mistakes, because I use "pencil" and correct them. And failure can be a friend if you listen to the lesson, so I am perking my ears up daily. Had Thomas Edison thrown out the light bulb because someone told him he was "crazy" we wouldn't be having this simple communication right now.

My main goal with this KVHD investigation has always been the safety of patients at this hospital and the removal of all people and things that keep this from coming to fruition.

Recently though, I have begun to recognize that my method has lead to some mistakes and hurt feelings. That was not part of the goal.

As the military calls it, "friendly fire."

I ran into a young paramedic when I went to dinner with a friend recently. She was one of the paramedics who was on my deck after I had passed out from a stroke related to a head injury I had on the side of a bath tub in December of 2007.

After a week of thinking about it, I am not happy with myself in the way I reacted to her. As I swung open the door to the restaurant, I looked around and saw her sitting there. She saw me too, and made a smirk.

Before I knew it, I said something to her about the way she handled the situation that day on my deck, but my mockery was not nice. I regret that. And I know I could have done something better like simply tell her I was not okay with her behavior that day, and then explain why.

When I sat down at the table, my friend asked me if I was okay, as my chest was pounding, my face red, and my eyes steeled. I said, "honestly no, I'm not okay."

I was having a reaction to the image of past events and I did not handle it the way I wish I had. There are those who do deserve a good round of truth, but this was not the way I normally handle young people. I usually can decide what is important to address and how to address it in a fashion that is understood.

Lately that polite talent has been difficult.

Then the hospital

After reflecting about that situation for a week, I began to realize I had said things I would likely not have said prior to my 9/11 at the hospital.

On Sunday, after getting my daily ICEE, my dog and I were heading home, when I suddenly wanted to stop by the hospital. I drove my car into the Rural Health Clinic parking lot and sat there looking at both buildings...and wondering what happened to me in the past eight years here.

I stared down at the ER, I simply couldn't take my eyes off of it. I felt fear which surprised me. The memories started flooding my mind about not just the recent past, but the past six years.

Out of the blue, I suddenly wanted to talk to somebody I have known since I came to this valley. Somebody I realize I trust. But I had hurt this person and I didn't know if I would be able to talk about it and make amends.

But I got the courage up to make the call and I'm very glad I did. I was not wrong, this was a person I could trust, and a person who does care, always did. And this person was straight up with me, which is what I expect and respect.

Taking a chance on people after what has happened at the hospital in the last few years, is a struggle for me, I prefer to stay within the security of my friends and family, but I realize if I'm to survive or even gain anything from this, I have to be willing to take a risk to trust again.

Thankfully, what happened was like good cardiology: it helped my heart. And I have implemented a few safeguards in my life to try and become more cognizant about my words which have sometimes caught certain people in the crossfire.

The beat goes on

I have used rhetoric, hyperbole, satire, sarcasm, logic, and video to take on Goliath and I still have not been able to make my case properly so that there is some true justice for those who truly deserve it.

The blog is going video for your information and illumination. You are about to hear and see some of what I saved for a rainy day.

Get out your umbrellas...by gosh it's pouring out there.